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Old 04-19-2011, 05:45 PM   #21
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Just for fun, I found these quotes:


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
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Old 04-19-2011, 05:50 PM   #22
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A few more - I'll stop now, I promise.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Old 04-19-2011, 10:24 PM   #23
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Good ones Ricearoni! A really "the San Francisco treat". Keep them coming...
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Let's eat, Grandpa.

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Old 04-20-2011, 12:36 PM   #24
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Love the Zsa Zsa Gabor one.
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Old 04-22-2011, 04:33 PM   #25
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Some baseball funnies - you may have read these elsewhere recently:

"It ain't nothin' 'till I call it." - Bill Klem, umpire

"There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare." - Tallulah Bankhead

"I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation." - Satchel Paige

"Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do?" - George Bernard Shaw

"I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar." - Bob Lemon

"After Jackie Robinson, the most important black in baseball is Reggie Jackson." - Reggie Jackson

"There's no crying in baseball." - Tom Hanks in "A League of Their Own"

"All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a double-header." - George F. Will

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting." - Yogi Berra

Last edited by Ricearoni; 04-22-2011 at 04:47 PM.
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